More like lazyween
Halloween is coming up, and we’ve a strong feeling you flat-out forgot to get a costume. It’s fine, we’re not going to judge you–in fact, we’re going to enable you. We’ve assembled a quick list of the laziest Halloween costumes imaginable, and all are themed for different game characters. Better yet: Most of these are things you have scattered around your house already! Take a look, and prepare to get extremely lazy (if you aren’t already).
What you need: Jeans, a long-sleeve shirt, belts, a smirk
How to pull it off: This one requires some planning. Namely, you need to not shave for like three days. Wait, no, exactly three days. When the time comes to dress up, you can likely wear what you’re already wearing: a long-sleeve shirt and jeans. All you need to do is tuck in the shirt properly, then pull out half of it, and viola! Youre done! If you want to go the extra mile, assemble a sloppy shoulder holster by putting belts around your arms and then connecting them from the back–but to be honest, that might be overkill. Oh, and smirk like your life depends on it.
Ezio (or Altair)
What you need: A white hoodie, white sweatpants, (dull) knives, tape
How to pull it off: Wear the hoodie zipped up and pull the hood down as far as possible. Oh, and tuck it into your sweat pants. Yeah, it’s going to look silly, and you might want to stay away from old folks homes, but it’s a costume. Now (ever so carefully) tape knives to your wrists. Make sure they’re super dull–the last thing you want to do is assassinate yourself.
What you need: Brown boxers, aluminum foil, red paint, a hot bod (optional)
How to pull it off: This one requires you to be fairly buff or, alternatively, absolutely shameless. Strip down to your skivvies and splash red paint all over yourself. It doesn’t matter if it matches Kratos’ war tattoo things, just get all painty. Next (or maybe before, whatever), tape some tin foil to your shoulder to make his shoulder piece, then make chains out of tin foil. You can accomplish this by either carefully crafting loops, or just by twisting it up and whatever. Wrap this around your arms. Scream “ARESSSS!” at everyone you pass. Extra points if you are super pale!
What you need: Blue pajamas, a Pringles can, a blue helmet
How to pull it off: Put on your favorite pair of blue PJs and strap on that blue helmet. Stick your hand into a Pringles can and you’re done–now you’re the Blue Bomber. Next, tell everyone you’re going to show up at their parties and then NEVER SHOW UP. Instead, e-mail them pictures of you in-costume, dated 1987. Best. Costume. Ever.
Dante or Travis Touchdown or Tyler Durden
What you need: Red leather jacket, jeans, cigarettes
How to pull it off: Devil May Cry’s Dante, Travis Touchdown of No More Heroes fame, and Brad Pitt’s take on Fight Club‘s Tyler Durden all dress essentially the same, so if you buy a red leather jacket, you’re most of your way to dressing as any of them. Go to a party with mainstream gamers and say you’re Dante; with Wii fans, say you’re Travis. And then with people who don’t play games, just say you’re Tyler Durden. Three costumes in one, baby!
What you need: A tank top, an awful Hawaiian shirt (or a leather jacket), aviators, pants, a bunch of empty pill bottles, an iPhone or something, speakers
How to pull it off: Put on the pants, aviators, and the tank top (topped with either an awful Hawaiian shirt or a leather jacket). Sleep in them until you need to wear the costume; it’ll add to the illusion. Next, record a bunch of noir nonsense onto your iPhone’s recording app–you know, stuff like “The candy reminded me of a childhood spent in dentists’ offices, with drills piercing my teeth like daggers and short-skirted hygienists telling me I’d been a bad, bad boy.” Then, play these out of a speaker as you walk around the party, popping M&Ms (or M&M Minis. Do they still make those?) into your mouth from the pill bottles.
What you need: Any t-shirt, a messenger bag, a few bags of red and blue glitter
How to pull it off: Wear the shirt and put the messenger bag on, then walk around the party talking in a gravely voice and asking people if they want you to be good or bad. If they say good, toss blue glitter at them; bad, red glitter.
What you need: Any t-shirt, a few bags of red, blue, and green glitter
How to pull it off: Same as Cole, minus the messenger bag and plus green glitter. When people ask who you are, say, “I’m Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite Halloween party that I got invited to.” And then throw green glitter at them (or red or blue, it doesn’t really matter).
Get outfitted with an outfit that fits
These gaming costumes are only suggested if you’re super lazy, but if you are, we hope you have a good time tossing together some clothes to pretend like you were more prepared. Let us know if you try any of these for Halloween, otherwise let us know what you plan on dressing up as for Halloween!