Woe is us
What is best in life? That depends, really–but were certain we know, and have lived through, the worst that life has to offer. OK, so were not impoverished, nor are we ritualistically tortured on a daily basis. In fact, come to think of it, weve got things pretty good. But what we can say is that our passion for gaming has resulted in some extremely, extremely frustrating first-world problems. The kind of problems that make the oblivion of nonexistence seem almostpreferable.
These are the follies weve endured time and again, some self-inflicted, some outside our realm of influence. However they may befall us, we wouldnt wish these video game tragedies on our most hated enemies. To know these moments is to know despair. Perhaps you can commiserate with these virtual trials and tribulations
Losing your save
Maybe you accidentally wrote over your primary save. Maybe your memory card died. Maybe the file got corrupted. Maybe your younger sibling didnt realize what they were doing–or worse, they did. There are numerous paths to this hellacious destination, but the outcome is always the same: misery and anguish. In an instant, hours upon hours of hard-earned progress are obliterated, weeks of your life that can never be reclaimed. Whether you were six or six hundred hours deep, its the kind of loss that makes you question your life and its values. All thats left to be done, besides mourning, is decide if its even worth it to go through all that effort a second time.
Buying a console/game right before a price cut
Patience is a virtue–but youve waited long enough. Youre sick of avoiding spoilers, or being without the latest tech. Too bad you had no way of knowing that two days later, the price would be slashed by 25 percent. If only you had held out just a little while longer. Flash-forward to the next console generation: You bided your time, and picked up the latest system for a fraction of its initial price. Feels good, right? And thats when they announce the next iteration–a sleeker, lighter, better version of the console you just cracked open. Sometimes, theres just no winning.
Accidentally ninja-looting an MMO item drop
Oh no. Ohhh no. We swear we didnt mean to steal that gear–not that anyone will believe us. Its just that, out of force of habit, we dismissed the Are you sure you want to loot this? warning without even thinking. Now, were nothing but a ninja-looting pariah. Our reputation is in shambles, and were likely to be group-kicked on the spot. This is just like the time when we dropped our tray in the cafeteria, and everyone stared at us–only this time, our peers virtual gaze burns with condemnation. The worst part about drowning in this sea of guilt? We can’t even use that item.
Being the guy that needed said loot
YES! Finally, after running this dungeon dozens of times, the item weve been pining for is within our grasp. Weve saved up all our DKP for this one moment, so its all but assured that well be walking out of here with a spiffy gear upgrade. Hold on–everyone in guild chat is yelling at someone. Wonder what they did to make everyone sowait. YOU MISERABLE PIECE OF F***ING **** YOU *** I HOPE YOU **** AND ************IN ****** AND DON’T YOU ****ING ***** OR ELSE I’LL*********** ********** ****!! No, were not crying–we just got a little keyboard gunk in our eyes, thats all.
Dropping bombs at your own feet
Its not that were suicidal, nor do we feel a fetishistic need to surround ourselves with live explosives. Its just that sometimes, whether by accident or as an act of impudent defiance, we blow ourselves up. When its done to avoid death by another, its almost heroic–we take fate into our own hands in a blaze of hotheaded glory. Less poetic are the times when we become the filling in a bomb sandwich, or chuck a grenade into our own faces, simply through our own stupidity. Those precious few seconds, between the realization of our fatal mistake and death, are some of the most introspective moments in all of gaming.
Being forced to sit through unskippable cutscenes
Developers want you to appreciate the hard work they put into making a cutscene. And who can blame them? You, after youre forced to sit through the same unchanging bit to the point of queasiness. Forced viewing is kosher the first time around–but past that, youll find yourself futilely mashing the Start button, in the vain hope that, just this once, you can skip ahead to the good stuff. No. It doesnt matter if youve already seen it a hundred times prior–youre going to sit through this cinematic again, whether you like it or not.
Getting murdered while youre alt-tabbed
Its one thing to be bested in intense combat, knowing you were outplayed by someone of equal or greater skill. Its another to maximize a game window only to see a corpse rotting where your character once stood. Your executioner could care less if you were checking your email, or chatting with your girlfriend, or looking up the nearest quest location. They saw your stationary body, and with a dastardly Grinch-like grin, they callously slaughtered you like a lawnmower descending onto a sleeping rabbit. Honor is irrelevant–a kill is a kill, and your carelessness was nothing but an invitation to put you out of your alt-tabbed misery.
Having your quarter-up ignored
After patiently waiting through three lengthy songs, its finally our turn to bust a move. Yeah, that guy was pretty good–but were definitely going to wow the crowd with our Expert-level footwork. Lets get a few good leg stretches in–ahhhhhhhhexcuse us? It seems that this oblivious cutie didnt see us neatly slap a quarter to the machine, or simply doesnt know arcade etiquette and thought we were using our 25 cents as decoration. If we werent paralyzed by shyness, maybe wed teach her a thing or two about quarter-up protocol.
Realizing that theres no checkpoint during an infuriating level
If at first you dont succeed, try, try again–try so many times, in fact, that you lose the will to live on this godforsaken planet. Checkpoints were invented for a reason: They alleviate the exhaustion of a challenging level, and prevent you from reliving the same chunk of previously conquered gameplay before a particularly tricky part. So when developers decide to eschew checkpoints during an abominably lengthy mission, we can only assume that they wanted to study the influence of intense hatred in gamers. Side effects may include broken controllers and fist-sized holes in walls.