“A glittering trash pile” – the reviews for The Dark Tower are surprisingly negative

If you’re a Stephen King fan then there’s a very good chance you’ve been waiting a long, long time for The Dark Tower series to be adapted for the big screen, especially as the first reactions to the trailer (opens in new tab) were so positive. I’ll give you the bad news first: it’s not very good, sorry. The good news? It’s only a shade over an hour-and-a-half long, so at least there’s that.

“A disaster” – Uproxx (opens in new tab)

“I’ve been told that The Dark Tower books are jam-packed with dense plot, wonderful characters, and a sprawling mythology – which is what made the movie so hard to make for all these years. Well, the solution seems to have been to just scrap all that and release a shockingly short 95-minute movie that just kind of glosses over everything to the point that has any meaning or purpose.”

“Who is this film meant for?” – The Verge (opens in new tab)

“When The Dark Tower just relies on McConaughey’s dead-eyed creepiness, the alienness of Roland’s homeland of Mid-World, and Jake’s struggle to reconcile reality and fantasy, it at least finds an emotional balance that carries the story forward. Even so, Arcel never entirely seems in control of the material.”

“A unique flavourless slog” – The Guardian (2/5) (opens in new tab)

“There’s a point somewhere in the misshapen second act that an attentive viewer can feel all the parties involved giving up and resolving to get the rest of the movie over with as soon as possible. Arcel directs through the path of least resistance, pointing his camera at people as indifferently as he shoots the half-baked CGI sequences.”

“A glittering trash pile” – Variety (opens in new tab)

“It’s a competent and watchable paranoid metaphysical video game that doesn’t overstay its welcome, includes some luridly entertaining visual effects, and — it has to be said — summons an emotional impact of close to zero.”

Some people really hated it

I would encourage every DARK TOWER fan to see THE DARK TOWER. You waited this long, you should see what’s been done with it.3 August 2017

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THE DARK TOWER is atrocious. One of the worst movies I’ve seen in a long time. I’m dumbfounded how this happened: https://t.co/hNkCw7D9E53 August 2017

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I loved the Dark Tower. I’ve been a fan of Stephen King for most of my life.But lord have mercy, the man don’t know good movies.3 August 2017

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But Idris Elba is in it, guys!

I will still watch The Dark Tower because I like to be reminded how far I am willing to go to experience Idris Elba3 August 2017

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The amount of well. “I like Idris Elba” I’ve heard in regards to The Dark Tower is not a valid reason to see that movie.3 August 2017

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Stephen King fans aren’t happy

We all knew Dark Tower was going to be difficult to do. What we got is worse than anything we could have imagined. I’m so sorry Stephen King3 August 2017

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why didnt they make the dark tower into an limited series. why did netflix not drive a dump truck full of money to stephen king’s house. WHY3 August 2017

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…and some knew this was coming all along

Extremely pleased to hear that The Dark Tower movie is faithful to the books, insofar as it sucks3 August 2017

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Images: Columbia

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